Monthly Archives: May 2012
I had a bunch of stuff to drop off at the Salvation Army this week, so I stopped inside too to see if they had any a) matching lamps, or b) end tables / night stands to replace the unfortunate ones Jesse and I are using.
Side note: by “unfortunate,” I mean bad. We have on one side of the bed an old pressboard filing cabinet with a “Jollygood” sticker on the front that was inherited with an old apartment, and on the other side of the bed, a really good looking, yet tall, end table that had the wood all smashed up during the great move to LA 4 years ago. The great move in which the mover, a member of family, damaged literally everything I owned. Including my clothes. I can’t complain because it was free and a huge favor, but my heart broke a little when I unpacked.
ANYWAY. That’s not what I’m trying to talk about. Just what I’m bitter about it my heart.
Thrift Store. Look what I found:
TEN WHOLE DOLLARS. THE BEST AMOUNT OF DOLLARS.
Like all good thrift store finds, they match, they are in good working condition, and all the parts are there. Except one screw on one handle, but I think I can manage with that. Those handles are what really sold me on them.
I already sanded them down in preparation for a coat of primer, but then my brand new job that pays me money got in the way, so there they sit, naked and lonely, waiting for me to make them pretty. And soon they will be.
LOOKS LIKE I AM NOT AS ORIGINAL AS I THOUGHT. Or maybe I can amend that to being equally as awesome as someone else at the very same time. I guess it’s like Edison vs. Tesla, only with crafts. Also, better photography.
I was flipping through the internet today, and happened upon this:
Also, isn’t her photography way better? And also her tutorial, because she actually documented what she did for you visually? I think she whooped me in the awesomeness factor.
Honestly, though, I am totally impressed and inspired by A Splendid Assemblage’s tutorial and blog – things to aspire to, notes to take (like not using my neighbor’s fence as a display background).
You remember the first failed spray paint issue, right? The one where my two cans of spray paint did not match? Well, I sent a very polite complaint in to the folks at Krylon, and was immediately taken care of with two brand new cans of matching spray paint. Great customer service, yo.
So I set out to finish my pretty jewelry display trays in matching colors. Well, the exact same color, really, which I guess could also be construed as matching. A couple more coats and all was golden, quite literally. Since I was doing this in the evening after work, I had taken advantage of the last remaining sunlight and left them out to dry overnight so as not to suffocate my family with paint fumes.
Turns out, and this we already knew: DEER ARE JERKS.
What Robin Williams says is true. And this I now know because of this:
That, my friends. That is where the deer hopped the OMG deer fence after eating my parents’ decorative backyard foliage and stepped his hoof right on through not one, but TWO of my trays. While I know, or at least think, that this was not a spiteful deer of vengeance and wrath, I can’t help but feel slightly as though this project was not fated to be. I mean, how many outside disasters must a project go to before a crafter decides “hm. This might not be fated to happen. Perhaps the devil is involved in my jewelry trays?”
Anyway, now I’m going to attempt to superglue them back together. I’m sure my next blog will occur once I’ve unglued myself from… most likely myself. I have a poor track record with superglue.
Now, I don’t know what these are actually called, or if they even have a real name, but you all know what I mean when I say furry knee socks:
Turns out they are “leg warmers.” Why didn’t I think of that when I was searching? My calves would DEFinitely be warmer in some pink polyester shoe covers. I found these at “discountstripper dot com. And I am not linking further to it because that could just come up as weird in the future when I could potentially attempt to have a job.
Whilst bravely searching for “fur” in the search bar of above website, I encountered a whole slew of costumes involving said “leg warmers.” Costumes I would NEVER have thought of as being sexy. Such as Courageous Lioness, THE VIKING, Cheshire Cat (deviously named “Chester” to avoid copyright issues,) and apparently an incredibly sexy Unicorn. Who knew?
What I do know is that now, in this day and age, these are what actually marks you as a stripper. They are the only difference between girl-in-a-bikini, which seems to be not shocking anymore, and Stripper. Nevermind the bared thighs or midriff, which are seen displayed prominently on many a college student, nevermind the triangle-top-as-shirt. No. Furry leg warmers.
Anyway – this is a reverse bucket list post. And I never want to be seen in these. I have been known to sport some pretty bizarre clothing – not in the “pushing the fashion envelope” sort of way, but more a “purple rayon foldover pants OMG must wear them?” sort of way. I make no claims of fashion taste and class in this blog. I’ve been known to follow a potentially disastrous fashion trend or two (overalls in the 90′s, anyone? One button undone? Hat with a sunflower on it?)
I will never wear something so blatantly stripper. I don’t even understand why these are so sexy that only strippers and people who want to be seen as strippers wear them. I didn’t know that semi-yeti-ness was a turn-on. I just don’t know.
I also couldn’t find any legitimate pictures of real-life people wearing these, though I have seen them out in Vegas and in my hometown on a Friday night. Apparently people wearing these are too afraid to exist on the internet.